Conversations often turn toward goals and resolutions around this time of year. Many of us find ourselves reflecting on what we are holding, and what we are carrying forward with us into a new year.

Goals Can Feel Heavy at the Start of the New Year

As the new year arrives, it’s common to take stock of what we’ve achieved and what we believe we should pursue next. The language of motivation, discipline, and self-improvement, goals and resolutions are familiar and meant to inspire. What we can find, is that they carry more of a weight of expectation than of hope.

Often, the weight comes from the way we hold these goals. New Year resolutions are often shaped by externally defined  ideas about productivity, success, and self-improvement, that leave little room for curiosity or self-compassion. In the effort to become “better,” we can lose touch with what we actually need.

When Motivation Begins to Waver

Have you experienced your motivation beginning to wane by February or March —replaced perhaps by discouragement, a sense of being stuck, and a wondering about why that initial momentum didn’t last.

An emerging sense of resistance may be the nervous system seeking grounding, rest, or honesty. It may be seeking permission to move at a more sustainable pace, to pause and notice before pushing forward, or even to question whether the goal itself is asking too much right now.

Motivation is deeply influenced by how safe, supported, rested, and understood we feel. When goals become rigid or punitive, they tend to drain motivation rather than nourish. The inner voice can then shift from encouragement to criticism:

You’re behind.
You should be doing better.
What’s wrong with you?

For some, that voice may feel deeply familiar.

What Our Goals May Be Carrying

Part of this familiarity comes from the way goals often link us back to earlier experiences. The promise of a “fresh start” can bring back old patterns of striving, perfectionism, or self-rejection. When past goals have been tied to approval, belonging, or worth, new goals may carry the same emotional weight.

Goals are rarely only about the future.
They are also shaped by history.

Comparing our Goals

There can also be a subtle pull toward comparison, particularly when social and media messaging highlights others’ progress, confidence, and apparent successes. Goals shaped in this way often overlook important context—our different bodies, capacities, resources, and responsibilities—creating a sense of being behind.

A More Reflective Approach to Goals and Wellbeing

A more reflective approach to goals and wellbeing often begins by slowing down, and by turning toward experience rather than expectation. It may involve asking, honestly:

What has this past year been like for me?

What has weighed on me?

What has been difficult?

Alongside the familiar focus on change, it can be grounding to notice what feels supportive in the present:

What helps me feel a little more grounded?

What helps me feel a little more connected?

What helps me feel a little more myself?

These questions lean toward care, rather than correction.

When goals are held more lightly, they can begin to feel less like demands and more like an opening up to notice what matters now:

What do I want more of in my life right now?

What energises me?

 The New Year can invite us to listen more closely—to ourselves, to the ways we measure worth, and to choose pathways that better fit our actual lives. Alongside questions about who we are becoming, there is also space to ask what we need in order to be well.

For some, holding goals more lightly is something that unfolds over time, often in relationship. Having space to reflect, to be listened to, and to explore what feels supportive can make it easier to move forward without pushing or self-criticism. The new year doesn’t have to be navigated alone.